Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Importance of Being... a Running Partner

I found a new running partner tonight. Well, I didn't find her tonight, but we established our intended "running partner" status tonight.

You see, at the end of May I joined a group with the Chicago Area Runners Association (CARA) to train for what I thought was going to be a 5K. I had never run a full 5K before and I thought that would be a good goal. But, on the first day of the program as I sat amongst dozens of nervous would-be runners, I thought to myself that really a 5K was not going to be much of a challenge. Despite never having run that distance without stopping before, I knew I would be able to do it fairly easily. Or, at least, that I could already ALMOST do it. So when the group leader called out for participants for the 5K group I made a split-second decision to ditch the easy road and go for what was going to be a real challenge - the 10K training program.

A 10K seemed insurmountable in some ways just 10 weeks ago. It seemed like a distance that only crazy people ran. Like, if you had nothing better to do with your life than to run for enough time to cover 6 miles that there must be some manner of chemical imbalance present in your brain. But then, suddenly, I was the one with the potential chemical imbalance because I had just raised my hand when the group leader called out for those people intending to train for a 10K to do so. And there I was, my arm and hand somehow betraying my mind which screamed out "NO NO! 5K IS JUST FINE! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" as they raised in the air and I stepped forward for my first 2 mile run. Ever.

That first night I was convinced that I was unable to run much longer than 1.5 miles without stopping. I was nervous as we set out down the street for this distance that was already longer than I'd ever remembered running before. And it was hard. That first run was really really hard. As was the one after it. And the one after that. I remember the night we got to 3.5 miles and I thought to myself that there was no way that my fat butt was ever gonna make it to 6.2 miles because I was clearly going to perish at mile 2.5 of this wretched run. But I didn't perish. I kept going. And going. And going and going. And this week I ran 6 miles. Twice. And both my body and mind feel amazing.

And so now, as our training group comes to a close, I was left with the dilemma of deciding whether or not to attempt to take on a running partner from the group. Frankly, I had my doubts. Many of the participants skipped the training runs frequently and/or complained through the entire run when they did show up. I don't need a nay-sayer with a poor attitude. I need someone who can energize me on days that I'm down and who I can energize at the times they need it. Someone who sees running as a powerful form of self-expression and actualization. Someone who is trying to run her life the way I'm trying to run my life.

I have only missed training runs on "rest" weeks and only to run a race, so I wanted someone with the same commitment. Tonight was the night that really separated the committed from everyone else, and only my new partner and I were left standing. Everyone else except one didn't show up to the training run tonight which was to complete the goal we set out to complete - 6.2 miles. And the girl other than myself and my partner failed to complete the course. Not that there's anything wrong with that - we all have bad days and we all have limitations. But I wanted a partner who could go the distance with me, stay the course and make me feel great about the run in the process.

I think I've found that in my new partner. And I'm so excited. We'll continue running on Thursday nights and she is planning to run the Surf City Half as well, so we have a common goal as well. I'm so excited to have found this woman who will help see me through some very very difficult runs and hopefully help keep me on track.

Monday, July 12, 2010

We Don't Know Each Other Very Well...

... but I wasn't always the person I am now.

All of this started on January 17, 2010. What happened that day? I started living my life.

You see, I'd been a victim for nearly 30 years. Full of excuses and reasons and explanations and lamentations about why I wasn't getting what I wanted. I was a very angry girl. I was sick and tired of giving everything I had to do what you're *supposed* to do to be happy (i.e. to dating, finding a mate, landing a good job, finding friends with similar interests, spending money, etc.) only to come up short. At the end of pretty much every day, I was miserable. And it was my own damn fault.

Then something happened. I started to admit to myself how miserable I was. Cracks started to show in the foundation of the life I'd built for myself and I quickly tried to patch them up with aggression, anger, sarcasm, and - worst of all - blame. But it wasn't working. The patches I created didn't fix anything, they just seemed to divert attention away for a bit until I could figure out how to delude myself back into thinking that the particular part of my life that started to fall apart was really OK and another area had begun to fall spectacularly to pieces....

Obviously, this is no way to live. And I wasn't living. So then, on January 17, 2010, I started my new life. I took about a week before that to write out a strategic plan for my life; a 20 page document that details what I want my life to look like and what I thought that I could reasonably accomplish in a 12 month period. Then I got to work.

Since 1/17/10 I've been living my life very differently. I take chances and meet challenges and try new things. I have real confidence - not just the kind you pretend you have to do better on a date or to make others think you know what you're talking about when you're well aware that you don't. Just taking control of what I wanted my life to be - and assuming responsibility for my life in whatever state I find it - was an incredibly difficult but incredibly powerful experience. And I live it again and again every single day.

So, what's this blog about? Well, two things, really:

First, I want to talk about how I'm doing along this path. As I move forward I'll reveal bits and pieces of the plan I wrote down 6 months ago and how I'm doing. I'll give details about successes and failures I've had along the way and challenges yet to face. I'll talk about really taking control and running my own life without excuses, without victimhood.

Second, I want to talk about running. Running is something I've discovered very recently and that has already had a huge impact on my life. I find myself wanting to talk about running all the time with everyone I can... but many of my friends are not runners. I need an outlet - a new way to express the joy I feel when I've just accomplished a new distance or an improved time. I want to talk about running my life on the road - and how running is an incredible analogy for just about every single challenge we can have in life.

Tonight's Run: 1.82 miles in 21 minutes. Slow and steady in my Five Fingers shoes.